I have been feeling restless lately. The type of restless that causes binge drinking, retail therapy, gambling, overeating, running away from your life and starting over….. I’m sure most people know the type. I’ve always called it “Desperate Housewives”; not like the show, more like a mid life crisis, without being that dramatic. It’s that period of your life, sometimes it feels like the majority of it, when you’ve been working so hard to achieve certain things (raising kids, building a career, meeting financial goals) and then you get there and you feel unsure what to do next. Whether it be how you tackle all of the other things that you’ve neglected while building your life, or finding new things to be passionate about that aren’t the aforementioned toxic ones. I have been in this place for several years. That doesn’t mean that I’ve been unhappy or restless the whole time, just that I don’t feel like I have the same focus and goals that have kept me busy before. In reality I’ve worked hard and feel so grateful for my life as it is: I have this small group of really incredible friends that have stood by me forever, an amazing partner, my kids are all becoming successful adults and we are all super close, and I have a great career, but I still want things to get excited about that aren’t vacation. iykyk
That’s what brought me here. I needed a project, something to focus on and learn about. I have been thinking about it for so long, and I realized that one thing I’m very curious about is true crime. It isn’t just true crime though. There is one specific crime that I am very interested in and it’s partially because of how it has affected me, even if it’s peripherally.
So I am not sure what this will become. Right now my hope is that it will be a journal for me, a way to get things off my chest and expel some of my negative thoughts and energy; but more than that I am hoping to explore a woman’s life and her untimely death, to honor her life and her memory, and to understand how nature versus nurture affects the sons and daughters of people that use others as a target for all their negativity, all their blame about their poor life choices, and ultimately change their lives forever, or end it.
And maybe some people will read it and understand 🙂